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Do you know what’s the worst part is about you leaving? That you won’t come back even when it’s all your fault. You won’t care! I don’t wanna come to a conclusion when we fight because when we end it, we end everything. All my questions, my depression, my late-night conversations with myself everything. You don’t care why am I an insomniac.

Why things, when don’t go my way, doesn’t upset me. The way you tell me the value of your time makes me think that I ain’t worth it. It’s upsetting how you give yourself wholeheartedly to a person and then they tell you how you ain’t worth them. Being in love is a different thing for me now. Nowadays all I know is respect. I am a craver for the respect that when somebody gives it to me I forget about the love that comes with it. Why is it so hard to respect someone you love? It should come naturally to you. In India, a married woman not only respects her man but also treat him as God. No other man, human or creature could take his place in front of him. That love when I see makes me feel empty. But some households in India lacks love. It’s just respect that doesn’t come naturally but out of fear. Respect out of fear isn’t valuable because fear speaks the language of weakness. Why can’t somebody earn love and give respect as a gift? I want love in my left hand and respect in the right and there is nothing wrong with it. You can ask for the things you want from your partner. Like appreciation and gratitude, the partner should be valued.

You should confess to your partner that there are times I want to be your equal and you should be okay with it. There is nothing wrong with me being your equal. Somethings should be bestowed to you for free. You don’t have to ask for it, you don’t have to worry about it or beg for it. No! You deserve it because when you are in a relationship there are things that come with it for free. Like love, trust, respect, understanding everything. Your arms should be wide open to accept these things and if not given just walk away. I myself can’t do these things as I love so much and so hard that leaving and fleeing away from some persons life is so not easy for me. It takes all of me to love and walking away from someone is making fun of my time and my energy and these things are precious at least for me.

When I see you angry I cry within myself. As your flames are hard and I am not used to them. I sense you, but you don’t feel my pain and sometimes I feel broken and there is no coming back to the fantasy world. Where you loved me once, even when I wasn’t up to the mark of beauty.

Elegance wasn’t my thing you knew but then you ask me to be it and I couldn’t take it, as I wanted you to be in love with not the one who you created in your head. When you said it was love at first sight, I thought that it will remain that way. Cause loving me is easy and there is no reason to change. There are hundreds of stars in my sky but I chose you when I saw you falling for me. In the darkness, you were trying to be free in love.

There is so much thing to confess, but you still try to suppress the misunderstanding that is kept inside us. Why do you want me to suffer?

I can’t handle suffocation! You aren’t the one I was in love with. Cause if you were him you would listen to me and all the things that lead to my heart breaks. You won’t kiss me while I am angry cause that makes me insane. And if you are him don’t you know all of this? Why are you acting so different? Why aren’t you in pain seeing me suffering? Where is that love within you? Is it lost in the fog or is it faded away?

When I wrap myself in your arms, I feel cold. Where is the warmness that made me feel you back then? Now that I cry I don’t want your arms to soak my tears in. You staying away is my calmness and I ain’t breathing. Why am I confessing all this when you’ll glance at this you won’t even look back to me. I know! You coming back to me would be a blessing though. Cause even when I wrote all this I know, you will be my fantasy even when you don’t want to. My sky will always pray for you, my arms will crave your presence and so will I but you don’t care and you’ll never will so let it go.

There were times I need you but you don’t let me come near, and when you wanted I climbed up. Without thinking twice I reminisce that I was there whenever you needed me or wanted my touch I was standing in front of you being your lover. The only thing that makes me realize you aren’t comfortable loving me is you don’t listen to me, or my tales that have you in them. I write to you in my heart, my arm, my letters. In those trees with sticks, I make myself clear. That there is no one in this world I could love more. Even one day you leave I would come back to you, my love. Cause there is no force that can do us apart from each other. Even when you leaving fleeing away I would come. I don’t want you to leave even when you say you’re done.

I would hold your hands and bring you back. Without you, my fairytale would be incomplete.

-Riya Shah

By Ray


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