The relationship that is forced is like watering a plant 10times in a row. You can’t try to console when the other one is not ready for it. Inner voice I feel is the loudest and clear voice our mind and heart listen to. No one listens and absorbs, the screams, the yell and doubt. I just need healing, healing from the world. Society wasn’t so kind to me, and everything wrong from the start.
Do you know what I need in life? Peace within a human, I could go to. I want to feel that peace because I’ve lost it. Maybe I try to bring it back, but I can’t and that feeling of not being at peace takes me away. Breathing feels like I am choking myself. Laughing make me skip everything that I could be alone. I want people who give me consensus, stability as that’s what I’ve been missing till now.
Why can’t I have someone so peaceful that I couldn’t have to listen to everything that went wrong in their lives? The pain that I’ve been suffering from is so much to take, that I was to feel numb. Nothing but numb. I don’t want anyone to tell me the love, the hatred or anything that means emotions. I feel emotions are just tears and laughter and everything that would destroy you from within. Why people want everyone to be happy around them? I want to feel vacant around someone I would love. So much vacant that he could feed me up with love too. Vacant but so much full, that he couldn’t think about anything but affection. No more instability I want, I crave serenity. I hope that what he got. I want a room so empty inside a being, I want to be the only human who could live in it. Alone with nothing but love for her home.