Hiding her all secrets, in pages, I never felt my sister for suffering from anxiety and was intoxicating like an addict. She uses to wear those long-sleeved clothes and hide her head with hoodies, and cap. Gorgeously mysterious. I admired her like she was a diva. Everybody in our place appreciated how silent she is. People like quiet humans and that too with a listening power, she was a bomb.
As I grew up I discovered that she was too good to be true. So one day I went silently in her room, started rummaging what she was going through. But all I got was a letter inside her pillow. There was another mystery hidden there. This girl got a medical test. I was frightened that she might have some discomfort. So I went to her, thinking she would share.
I sat beside her, in our comfy lobby. Are you okay? I asked worryingly. As I told you that she was into intoxication, she was all high. I looked at her eyes and saw so much pain and suffering. She said, “baby girl you cry if you’ll hear me ”.She rolled her sleeves and showed all the marks, she was using the drug for ages. She pleaded not to tell anybody about it. As she is being the perfect girl they all wanted her to be.
I was so eager to know the perfect untrue definition “she read”. So I asked her what is a perfect human being? Holding my hands like I was her saviour she told me it’s being “quiet and always being there”, adding that she said “you should never show too much of your inner self”, then you’ll become something they might think is miserable.
I asked her if she could change her clothes and be the girl she wants. As for me, hiding isn’t a choice but is a burden. What if they’ll see my marks, mom and dad don’t know about my secret scars? I’ll take care of it I yelled, just change yourself to a better human being. I want to see how pretty my girl looks when she have a temperament of herself.
Wearing her favourite white dress from my closet, she said: “how do I look? ”. “Magical” I answered back. She sat next to me and asked me- do you wanna know why I’ve been intoxicating? I laughed and added baby you are not just intoxicating you are a drug addict and that’s a hell lot of a pressure to take in one morning. She chuckled and I admired that too. She was still my idol.
Should we began the story of how you’ve been fighting with life, I inquired. She put her hand on my face and said you remember you always say that “how dare you to be so fearless, you are a devil” and I always replied with “you’ll never be me ”. Trust me I never wanted you to be me. An ugly hearted teenager, who has no friends and always high. I had a past no teenager should ever face. I looked so bad, everybody uses to mock me and hit me. Everywhere and every time. So drugs and alcohol was the only way I could forget everything. So then it became my habit and now I’m always choked.
I was stunned listening to how terrific she sounded that time. She asked me you wanna say something? I begged her to quit and left. The next day she came to me wearing a sleeveless dress, having many polka dots in it. With a cup of coffee in her hand glanced at me, saying “would you like getting high with me, drinking coffee?” I smiled at her and said, “How can you be so fearless, you are a devil”. I know she retorted looking me all the love she had within.
“You are beautiful and worthy of everything and there is nothing like showing too much of your inner self goddess. Just try not to go back to bad blood.”
When I said this to her, she told me I should use it in my blog with tears in her eyes. As all my words are a gift to me by God. Are they I asked? Nobody in my life sounded so right and cool at the same time “she countered”.