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Voiced out

When I asked him all the questions I always wanted to he replied with a nonsense emoticon of smiling. I felt hurt as I was expecting him to reply with all the lovely words dipped in fresh honey and garnished with chocolates. I read my messages again thinking I would have asked a wrong question. I felt like a vacant place asking for him to make me occupied. Was it so much to ask for?

I have a supernatural power of knowing things. At first, when I got vibes about there is something fishing and I need to make sure to check it out and try to reverse that was going good. But sometimes when he is messing up around and I can’t help him that time I try not to think about it. But my nerves squeeze and make my blood flow stops. Do you know how it feels when you want to live that moment but your body resist? That too for a person who doesn’t care. It feels like a forest burning itself because the trees are getting chopped by somebody else.

Being insecure is a different thing. It’s a form of not letting the other person live. I was doing the contrary of this. Thinking about the leaving, I was breathing. My heartbeat was making a rhyme I never heard of it before. Like a drummer sitting on my heart with his sticks. Ever beat arose my tears of anxiety, for that, I was prepared. Every day I fight for the truth that he is hiding behind the scenes. Am I, not the one who he should be answerable to?

damn, again I voiced out something that I shouldn’t. As this is the best relationship I’ve been in- “She said with a teardrop she wore down”.

-Riya Shah

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Love (a journey)

I feel love is a journey from attachments to detachments. A journey which is toured many times thinking of the satisfaction which leads to a heavenly feeling of happiness. I won’t have to say things twice though that I have a fondness for it. Of bestowing it wholeheartedly. There were times I reached the top still didn’t discern that it was worth the saunter. At times I didn’t live the journey sometimes. Roaming around places like a maze I could ever finish. Nor with the one I thought I could. From the phase of attachment, I’ve learnt the longing I could have for someone who just came into my life. I could feel oceans of for someone so quickly that my trust is unbreakable for them. For me, even their waves won’t destroy my boat as they have also felt something for me like I do.

Circumstances have been different. I’ve to deal with situations I never thought I’d be facing as it is a journey without hurdles. No, it isn’t. It’s the most impediment misery I could be in and still win it over. I have never started without preparations, so the first time when I thought about giving it a chance I packed all my feelings and sentiments, in a suitcase and vacated from my home. I drove an aeroplane the first time and crashed. Do you know how it feels when you be optimistic about dilemmas won’t get you the way but they don’t? It’s a feeling I thought didn’t exist. So when I was told that I wasn’t a satisfactory guest, I was heartbroken. Depression locked me in a dark room filled with sorrow. After a year I opened the door again thinking now I’ll visit places I didn’t like and still live in them. I spent a million on materials and never bothered about the place. I lived in lodging which was somebody’s property and finished it.

A human when thinks that his actions wouldn’t affect him but others, he is wrong. So was I. After destroying somebody’s dwelling I thought I would live in peace. I was miserable after I left. Again I locked myself up in a room. This time I wasn’t feeling the darkness but the little satisfaction that I’ve conveyed my sentiments and then left it in a place which wasn’t possessed by me. I did this many times, every time I felt a little upset and then moderate. One day I felt like going to the Himalayas. So I packed my bag again, this time I loaded it with my sentiments, emotions and self-love. Halfway I covered it with bus and the other half I had to walk. Attachment began when I left my home vacant as before. The journey was long and I reached after a long time of endeavours but safely.

That was my last attachment and I never got detached. That day I was at the top ending and the view was worth every wondering I’ve ever left my home for. I stayed because everything from the start was beautiful. The journey was beautiful too.

So when I say love is like a journey I mean prepare yourself for it. Don’t try to hurry to the verge cause the path is important more than the end. Live it, put efforts and don’t ever forget to first love yourself.

-Riya Shah